If your kid doesn’t want to go to Hillel, don’t panic!

I grew up in a strict household, and my parents gave me no choice but to live a Jewish lifestyle. We went to shul so consistently that I could chant the entire Musaf Amidah by heart. (The fact that our shul did a full repetition tells you how fun Shabbat services were.)

By the time I reached adolescence, the limitations of my family’s observant lifestyle started to chafe. I was eager to explore other options.

Whenever we would visit colleges, my mother would take me to check out the Hillel, and I would begrudgingly tag along. She wanted to make sure there were quality Jewish opportunities for me, but I knew I would not get involved. 

In the end, I went to a college with an active Jewish community (Brandeis, lol), but I probably ended up going to one Shabbat dinner when all was said and done. My friends and I joked that we had our own club called Chillel.

When I graduated, my skepticism continued. One time in my mid-twenties, I went to a yoga class on Yom Kippur. It was how I chose to spend my day, and I relished making the choice, but it felt strange to be surrounded by people who had no idea it was even a holiday.

It was only when I distanced myself from the Jewish community that I was able to realize that there were things I actually liked about it. I had the knowledge because of my upbringing, and I worked with that knowledge to develop my own interpretations and form my own connections.

Being involved in the Jewish community became appealing and even beautiful when it was something I chose for myself, and I was able to do it in my own way.

Now I am a professional Jew. Being Jewish is part of my job, and it is on my resume. I am proud to be Jewish and value my place in the community. 

If you had told me ten years ago that this would be my future, I would have been stunned.

My journey is unique and is mine alone, but the reason I’m telling you is that your child might also need room to explore their options and make meaning of their Jewish identity on their own schedule. 

If they show no interest in Hillel or other Jewish campus organizations during the college search, that’s ok. They can focus on learning other things about the schools they’re interested in. There is so much to learn, and everything they learn will help them make a sound decision.

They may decide to get involved in their campus’s Jewish life later on! Or they may not, like me. 

Even if they don’t end up going to a college with an active Jewish community because they prioritized other factors, they can change their mind later on and seek opportunities in the local community. Or not! But keep in mind that the door is never truly closed.